Comments on: Free HOOK Edit: In the morning, when there was nothing but birdsong— http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/ Tue, 15 May 2012 19:24:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Mindy http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-387 Mindy Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:04:13 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-387 Thanks so much for the comments and concrit! Ashley, you are correct. This is a prologue. Thanks so much for the comments and concrit! Ashley, you are correct. This is a prologue.

]]> By: Lady Glamis http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-384 Lady Glamis Sat, 15 Aug 2009 18:45:35 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-384 I like the poetic feel of the first sentence, which seems to counteract with the character's personality. Interesting! I'd definitely read on after this. I like the poetic feel of the first sentence, which seems to counteract with the character’s personality. Interesting! I’d definitely read on after this.

]]> By: Angie http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-388 Angie Fri, 14 Aug 2009 21:17:56 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-388 I kind of like the dark tone - there's nothing wrong with an edgy main character, as long as you give them some redeeming qualities down the road. And it does make you wonder how they got so deep into self-recrimination, what did they do to end up here? Good start! I kind of like the dark tone – there’s nothing wrong with an edgy main character, as long as you give them some redeeming qualities down the road. And it does make you wonder how they got so deep into self-recrimination, what did they do to end up here? Good start!

]]> By: Phyl http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-390 Phyl Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:17:30 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-390 I really like the imagery of the first sentence. I could see that it might not serve as the first sentence of the book, but I think it works well, and could come slightly later. It gives the feeling of the protagonist being haunted and alone, even though all of these thoughts and sensations seem to be crowding around. Crowded and alone at the same time. I really like the imagery of the first sentence. I could see that it might not serve as the first sentence of the book, but I think it works well, and could come slightly later. It gives the feeling of the protagonist being haunted and alone, even though all of these thoughts and sensations seem to be crowding around. Crowded and alone at the same time.

]]> By: Ashley Ludwig http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-389 Ashley Ludwig Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:03:14 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-389 This makes me wonder if it's a prologue? Perhaps if this character does something drastic within a few moments (poor guy seems on the verge of some sort of breakdown) - and then switch to other action? I'd suggest interspersing the thought with some action beats. Get into it. Step away from internal, passive thought, and describe the moment through action. Make sure to weave in a main character quick! This makes me wonder if it’s a prologue?

Perhaps if this character does something drastic within a few moments (poor guy seems on the verge of some sort of breakdown) – and then switch to other action?

I’d suggest interspersing the thought with some action beats. Get into it. Step away from internal, passive thought, and describe the moment through action. Make sure to weave in a main character quick!

]]> By: gotheca http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-386 gotheca Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:31:23 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-386 Negativity in the post-Beat era does not deter anyone. What matters is: are we intrigued? Victoria Negativity in the post-Beat era does not deter anyone. What matters is: are we intrigued?

Victoria

]]> By: Maureen http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/in-the-morning-when-there-was-nothing-but-birdsong/comment-page-1/#comment-385 Maureen Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:19:36 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=1979#comment-385 You certainly packed a lot of emotion into this! I don't know how agents and publishers feel about such overwhelming negativity, but hey. There's likely a market for it somewhere. We just need to see the emotion built in a scene to hook us and you're well on your way! You certainly packed a lot of emotion into this! I don’t know how agents and publishers feel about such overwhelming negativity, but hey. There’s likely a market for it somewhere. We just need to see the emotion built in a scene to hook us and you’re well on your way!

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