Comments on: Free HOOK Edit: Thel nocked an arrow— http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/ Wed, 08 Sep 2010 14:51:17 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Chris Hale http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-409 Chris Hale Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:03:24 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-409 Thanks for the advice, Victoria. I'll work on getting that in. I definitely want her to appear calm, level-headed, and skilled...but also severely conflicted about that aspect of herself. (It helps to know that she's 14! And before all the experienced hunters complain about a 14-year-old girl being able to pull a compound bow, let me say that she's not an ordinary 14-year-old girl...) I like the facial things--maybe she opens her other eye at the last moment...or closes both eyes. Thanks for the advice, Victoria. I’ll work on getting that in. I definitely want her to appear calm, level-headed, and skilled…but also severely conflicted about that aspect of herself. (It helps to know that she’s 14! And before all the experienced hunters complain about a 14-year-old girl being able to pull a compound bow, let me say that she’s not an ordinary 14-year-old girl…) I like the facial things–maybe she opens her other eye at the last moment…or closes both eyes.

]]> By: gotheca http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-408 gotheca Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:57:42 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-408 Chris, Hey, that's very interesting that you intended to portray Thel as hesitant to take a life. I got that she was calm, level-headed, and skilled, but not hesitant. You could get that in there easily with just one more mannerism at the end of the second paragraph, right before she takes her shot ("She swiveled toward the flat expanse between the buck’s unblinking black eyes and---"). People do lots of subtle facial things to indicate discomfort: bite a lip, wrinkle a forehead, wince. The briefer the image, the more powerful. Nice touch! Victoria Chris,

Hey, that’s very interesting that you intended to portray Thel as hesitant to take a life. I got that she was calm, level-headed, and skilled, but not hesitant.

You could get that in there easily with just one more mannerism at the end of the second paragraph, right before she takes her shot (“She swiveled toward the flat expanse between the buck’s unblinking black eyes and—”). People do lots of subtle facial things to indicate discomfort: bite a lip, wrinkle a forehead, wince. The briefer the image, the more powerful. Nice touch!

Victoria

]]> By: Chris Hale http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-407 Chris Hale Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:49:08 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-407 Thanks for the comments, Michelle. The "trigger" reference is intentional and is meant to place the story in a specific time. Time is a big factor in the story, but I could only include the hook! In the next paragraphs, it becomes clear that this isn't a "pre-trigger" time, but most of the characters do have "pre-trigger" lives and stories. Hopefully the reference to a trigger release wouldn't throw the reader too much, especially when it's in its full context. Spine shot, huh? I admit I'm not a hunter...frankly, neither is Thel, though she does have preternatural skill with the bow... I'm trying to introduce an internal conflict in the opening paragraphs--Thel is a natural hunter in terms of skill with the bow, but she's hesitant to take a life. It both bothers and fascinates her that she's gifted in this way. Thanks again! Thanks for the comments, Michelle. The “trigger” reference is intentional and is meant to place the story in a specific time. Time is a big factor in the story, but I could only include the hook! In the next paragraphs, it becomes clear that this isn’t a “pre-trigger” time, but most of the characters do have “pre-trigger” lives and stories. Hopefully the reference to a trigger release wouldn’t throw the reader too much, especially when it’s in its full context.

Spine shot, huh? I admit I’m not a hunter…frankly, neither is Thel, though she does have preternatural skill with the bow…

I’m trying to introduce an internal conflict in the opening paragraphs–Thel is a natural hunter in terms of skill with the bow, but she’s hesitant to take a life. It both bothers and fascinates her that she’s gifted in this way.

Thanks again!

]]> By: Michelle Jefferies http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-406 Michelle Jefferies Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:30:20 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-406 I liked the image. I was right there with you. I liked the left handed thing too. :) I did want to ask when the time frame was, the "trigger" threw me because I was thinking "pre trigger" time untill then. I was living in the past untill then. :) Also, why the head when a arrow through the spine in theneck would drop the animal in one shot? Just some honest questions. Michelle I liked the image. I was right there with you. I liked the left handed thing too. :) I did want to ask when the time frame was, the “trigger” threw me because I was thinking “pre trigger” time untill then. I was living in the past untill then. :) Also, why the head when a arrow through the spine in theneck would drop the animal in one shot? Just some honest questions.

Michelle

]]> By: Angie http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-405 Angie Fri, 14 Aug 2009 21:14:44 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-405 I think it's a good sign that those of us into archery are immediately drawn into this peice - you definately got the feel of it right! And now I want to know - are they shooting between the eyes to be fancy? do they have a magic bow? Will something startle the deer and ruin an already difficult shot? Enquiring minds want to know! :) I think it’s a good sign that those of us into archery are immediately drawn into this peice – you definately got the feel of it right! And now I want to know – are they shooting between the eyes to be fancy? do they have a magic bow? Will something startle the deer and ruin an already difficult shot? Enquiring minds want to know! :)

]]> By: cghale http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-404 cghale Thu, 13 Aug 2009 17:42:28 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-404 Wow, you guys are awesome. Thanks for the feedback! I'm looking forward to having the time to develop this story, so hopefully Thel will come to life on the page the way she has in my head. I admit that I struggle with adverb use. It's just so tempting to drop them in! But I'm working on that problem, taking it day by day (or line by line...). I appreciate your point, Iapetus999, and I admit that, not being a hunter myself, I hadn't thought about that. I think Thel will be aiming for the eye... Wow, you guys are awesome. Thanks for the feedback! I’m looking forward to having the time to develop this story, so hopefully Thel will come to life on the page the way she has in my head.

I admit that I struggle with adverb use. It’s just so tempting to drop them in! But I’m working on that problem, taking it day by day (or line by line…).

I appreciate your point, Iapetus999, and I admit that, not being a hunter myself, I hadn’t thought about that. I think Thel will be aiming for the eye…

]]> By: gotheca http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-403 gotheca Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:47:27 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-403 Yeah, I caught the leftie thing, too! Great touch, huh? Victoria Yeah, I caught the leftie thing, too! Great touch, huh?

Victoria

]]> By: KjM http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-402 KjM Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:39:51 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-402 This character, Thel, clearly knows what she's doing - and, she's a "leftie" too. I'm on board with her for the adventure - nice hook. This character, Thel, clearly knows what she’s doing – and, she’s a “leftie” too. I’m on board with her for the adventure – nice hook.

]]> By: Ashley Ludwig http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-401 Ashley Ludwig Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:54:42 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-401 BTW ? Whoever Thel is, I'm hooked! ;-) In case I forgot to mention that. She seems like a warrior type, who can take care of herself. Just the type of character I'd follow for 300 some odd pages! well done. BTW ? Whoever Thel is, I’m hooked! ;-) In case I forgot to mention that. She seems like a warrior type, who can take care of herself. Just the type of character I’d follow for 300 some odd pages! well done.

]]> By: gotheca http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/10/thel-nocked-an-arrow/comment-page-1/#comment-400 gotheca Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:30:24 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2048#comment-400 It's very nice to meet you, too. Ashley. I've clarified the purpose of the Comments on these Edits for everyone. I was not clear about it before. I hope you find what helps you here! Victoria It’s very nice to meet you, too. Ashley. I’ve clarified the purpose of the Comments on these Edits for everyone. I was not clear about it before.

I hope you find what helps you here!

Victoria

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