Comments on: Free HOOK Edit: Father Patrick lay on the pavement— http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/ Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:18:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Jordan McCollum http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-524 Jordan McCollum Fri, 28 Aug 2009 23:56:08 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-524 Well, since you asked, she's former law enforcement (Garda Siochana). Well, since you asked, she’s former law enforcement (Garda Siochana).

]]> By: Sean O'Mordha http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-523 Sean O'Mordha Fri, 28 Aug 2009 22:40:10 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-523 "Molly WILLED herself to look away." Interesting comment. Before retiring I was a police investigator, so that background might skew why my eyes focused on that line. The normal female reaction is to instinctively turn away from the face of death. This implies she wanted to fixate on the priest. Why? I'd want to read more. Good start. “Molly WILLED herself to look away.” Interesting comment. Before retiring I was a police investigator, so that background might skew why my eyes focused on that line. The normal female reaction is to instinctively turn away from the face of death. This implies she wanted to fixate on the priest. Why? I’d want to read more. Good start.

]]> By: Jordan McCollum http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-522 Jordan McCollum Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:45:18 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-522 Thanks, Michelle! I'm glad to hear you like this version better. The sensory overwhelm idea was a suggestion from another fantastic critique by Maggie Van Well. Thanks, Michelle! I’m glad to hear you like this version better. The sensory overwhelm idea was a suggestion from another fantastic critique by Maggie Van Well.

]]> By: Michelle Jefferies http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-521 Michelle Jefferies Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:14:33 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-521 I read this before. You changed the focus and I think its MUCH better. Way to go Jordan! Now I'm going to be seeing a dead priest in my head when I close my eyes. I like how anything Molly sees smells hears makes the death more intense for her. You have brought in the senses in a very subtle way. I could smell the fresh cut grass. Michelle I read this before. You changed the focus and I think its MUCH better. Way to go Jordan! Now I’m going to be seeing a dead priest in my head when I close my eyes. I like how anything Molly sees smells hears makes the death more intense for her. You have brought in the senses in a very subtle way. I could smell the fresh cut grass.

Michelle

]]> By: Lady Glamis http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-510 Lady Glamis Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:00:12 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-510 Great hook! I would keep reading this for sure. You've managed to show us genre really well in this first little bit. That's what I always have a problem with - nailing down the genre. Great job. :D Great hook! I would keep reading this for sure. You’ve managed to show us genre really well in this first little bit. That’s what I always have a problem with – nailing down the genre. Great job. :D

]]> By: lanetta http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-520 lanetta Fri, 21 Aug 2009 17:17:21 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-520 This first draft makes me wonder what happened (how & why) to FP? Why can't Molly express her sorrow? Just a couple of things that would keep me reading... This first draft makes me wonder what happened (how & why) to FP? Why can’t Molly express her sorrow? Just a couple of things that would keep me reading…

]]> By: gotheca http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-519 gotheca Wed, 19 Aug 2009 16:28:16 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-519 Thanks for the link, Andrew! Victoria Thanks for the link, Andrew!

Victoria

]]> By: Iapetus999 http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-518 Iapetus999 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:48:15 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-518 You should check this out. I don't know if it's serious or not but if it is... http://openquery.blogspot.com/2009/08/query-rudy-toot-toot-revised.html You should check this out. I don’t know if it’s serious or not but if it is…
http://openquery.blogspot.com/2009/08/query-rudy-toot-toot-revised.html

]]> By: gotheca http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-517 gotheca Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:39:37 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-517 Wow, doesn't that sound fabulous! I always get in trouble writing samples for editing because I try to make them so bad they sort of come out good. When I interviewed Wendy Burt-Thomas about her book The Writer's Digest Guide to Query Letters, we had a great time with this. She said writing the bad examples was her favorite part, too. I finally wrote a fake query for her blog in a post we called Hooks from Hell: http://askwendy.wordpress.com/2009/05/12/writing-a-query-letter-read-victoria-mixons-article-on-hooks-from-hell/. (That was a query hook, as opposed to a novel hook, in case anyone's just about to ask.) Maybe I should run a contest on the best self-parodies--- Victoria Wow, doesn’t that sound fabulous!

I always get in trouble writing samples for editing because I try to make them so bad they sort of come out good. When I interviewed Wendy Burt-Thomas about her book The Writer’s Digest Guide to Query Letters, we had a great time with this. She said writing the bad examples was her favorite part, too. I finally wrote a fake query for her blog in a post we called Hooks from Hell: http://askwendy.wordpress.com/2009/05/12/writing-a-query-letter-read-victoria-mixons-article-on-hooks-from-hell/. (That was a query hook, as opposed to a novel hook, in case anyone’s just about to ask.)

Maybe I should run a contest on the best self-parodies—

Victoria

]]> By: Jordan McCollum http://victoriamixon.com/2009/08/17/father-patrick-lay-on-the-pavement/comment-page-1/#comment-516 Jordan McCollum Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:11:47 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=2197#comment-516 Ooooh, now I want to write a parody of my own book. Always fun! Ooooh, now I want to write a parody of my own book. Always fun!

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