Free HOOK Edit: The filming began last week—

The filming began last week after months of preparation. He was eager to get on with it. He was known for channeling a character so well that his physical appearance changed. He’d been making movies since his twenties, and was well known for a time. He was aging though, faster in movie life than real life. Even with filters and makeup and soft lighting, the camera picked up the worry lines, the softening of his features. He was 45, and no longer the big star. He’d been relegated to supporting actor by age and a fickle public. He didn’t mind, it was still absorbing and let him escape himself. He was spared most of the publicity obligations, where the media wanted the fresh face of the star sitting at their interviews. He didn’t get many people recognizing him anymore, because the public had moved on. He had a chance to start over.
—Amy Henry

Developmental Edit

I like the philosophical attitude of this character. I should be so philosophical!

Informative? check
Detailed? check
Raises a question? check Who is he?
Drop-kicks us off the end? check How is he going to start over?

What does this paragraph tell us about the book we’re starting? A 45-year-old male movie star is facing the decline of his fame due to aging. But he doesn’t mind. He still has work, and he likes the percs of greater anonymity. He is starting a new life.

Do I want to follow this character through a whole novel? Well, he’s not unpleasant. But he doesn’t have a very complete personality yet, aside from his philosophical attitude toward his conflict. I’m interested in seeing how he reacts to something he’s NOT philosophical about.

Genre? Mainstream fiction?

Do we need to know who the character is, how they got here, where they were before? I’m interested in a few more concrete details. We know his backstory, but we don’t know much about him as a person.

Do we need to know what he’s going to do next? I’m hoping something unexpected. I’d like to be thrown into a scene where he shows us the things we’re being told.

Does this paragraph drop us right smack in a specific moment in this character’s story? Not yet. We know he’s a week into filming a movie and several months into prepping for it.

So let’s talk about the structure of it. One note: numerals are spelled out unless they’re ridiculously long, like years.

Now, the character seems like a perfectly nice guy with a solid philosophical side, which is attractive. But this is mostly backstory. Can we make it shorter and snappier, while saving the backstory for later—or, better yet, set this up to illustrate the backstory in a scene—focusing right now on the most intriguing elements?

Copy & Line Edit

The filming had begun last week, after months of preparation. He had a chance to start over. He was eager to get on with it.