Comments on: Free HOOK Edit: Trapped—

By: lanetta

lanetta — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:56:52 +0000

I liked the way you started off your storyline, Richard! Very intriguing! I do have lots of questions, so would certainly keep turning the pages!

By: KjM

KjM — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:50:28 +0000

Yes – the “Trapped” does it for me. An immediate “Oh dear, that can’t be good” reaction. Everything that comes after paints how “trapped” the character is, and I’m right there wanting to find out.

Nicely done – and the edits tighten everything so it hums.

By: Jordan McCollum

Jordan McCollum — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:41:01 +0000

Another great example of staring int he middle of the story for maximum tension. (Looks like we’ve got the in media res thing down!) Definitely pulls you in and drop kicks you out!

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:26:09 +0000

Ah, that does make sense. Thanks for the response! I’ll have to check out Mystery and Manners.

And yes, please write a post about avoiding cliches! I could probably use some help there.

By: gotheca

gotheca — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:16:22 +0000

Hi, Gretchen! Thanks for the kind words!

“Beckoned” is one of the more commonly-misused words in English these days, which makes it a cliche. When you state that inanimate objects act and feel as if they were human, you are either writing magical realism or you are saying things that can’t possibly be true.

Fiction is about telling the truth. Flannery O’Connor addresses this issue extensively and with great insight and charm in Mystery and Manners.

The topic of cliches is a whole blog post unto itself. Thanks for the idea! I’ll put it on the list.

Victoria

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:39:42 +0000

I love how this starts with the one-word paragraph. It creates great tension!

Victoria-

I’m not sure I understand why you don’t like the use of the word “beckoned.” I totally get that it’s a human gesture, but if the open door beckoned to him, isn’t that just personification? Showing us that the door being open was calling him to escape into those inviting rays of sunlight? I really like the use of the word there, so I’m just a little confused. If you have a chance, I’d love some more explanation on this particular edit. Thanks!

Also, I wanted to say how wonderful it’s been to read these hooks, along with your analysis and edits. It’s been quite educational and entertaining! Thanks for all the time you’ve put into them.

By: Maureen

Maureen — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:42:07 +0000

I immediately liked the idea of a woman holding a man hostage! :O

I really liked the editing on this one as well. Good example of writer and editor working together to make “beautiful music.”

Most bodacious!