Comments on: Free CLIMAX Edit: Jordan http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/ Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:18:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Jordan http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/comment-page-1/#comment-2839 Jordan Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:55:43 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=4190#comment-2839 Thanks, Jefro! Thanks, Jefro!

]]> By: Jefro http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/comment-page-1/#comment-2837 Jefro Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:05:45 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=4190#comment-2837 WOW this reads like the climax of a Poirot novel, when the evil murderer is finally unmasked. I can't wait to read the whole thing. WOW this reads like the climax of a Poirot novel, when the evil murderer is finally unmasked. I can’t wait to read the whole thing.

]]> By: Jordan http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/comment-page-1/#comment-2812 Jordan Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:24:44 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=4190#comment-2812 Thanks, Andrew! (One of the reasons I'm not <em>tooooooo</em> worried about spoilers here is that Father Tim is actually also a POV character, so we know from scene 2 that he's not who Molly thinks he is.) I do have to admit, though I'm very excited to get the whole chapter edited, that I didn't enter just to win. Don't have quite that much confidence, LOL. Mostly I did it because seeing Andrew do it made it okay somehow. The exact feedback wasn't quite that helpful—it just said it "happened too quickly to be fulfilling." Who knows, maybe they meant there wasn't enough time to build suspense in the set up to this chapter? I appreciate the reassurance, and I look forward to your help with the rest of the chapter! Thanks, Andrew! (One of the reasons I’m not tooooooo worried about spoilers here is that Father Tim is actually also a POV character, so we know from scene 2 that he’s not who Molly thinks he is.)

I do have to admit, though I’m very excited to get the whole chapter edited, that I didn’t enter just to win. Don’t have quite that much confidence, LOL. Mostly I did it because seeing Andrew do it made it okay somehow.

The exact feedback wasn’t quite that helpful—it just said it “happened too quickly to be fulfilling.” Who knows, maybe they meant there wasn’t enough time to build suspense in the set up to this chapter?

I appreciate the reassurance, and I look forward to your help with the rest of the chapter!

]]> By: Victoria http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/comment-page-1/#comment-2809 Victoria Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:45:13 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=4190#comment-2809 A climax moves as fast as possible. You have the build-up for rhythm---Father Tim confesses he's, uh, not actually a Father---and then the one-two punch: Father Fitzgerald knew about the molest accusation the same day Father Patrick died? What the. . .Father Fitzgerald KILLED HIM?? Your reader's on the ropes. In this climax, the way it is now, Father Fitzgerald doesn't actually capitulate at all. I love that he rips Tim's collar off. "Take THAT, you low-down dirty dog of a priest-impersonator!" Father Fitzgerald is no doormat, that's for sure. Twenty-to-thirty more words is not a real problem for a climax. I kept it to one page to force writers to <em>focus</em>. But, of course, since you won the developmental edit of your entire chapter, we can work on that whole scene to make it as sharp, scintillating, and powerful as humanly possible. The thing about a single protagonist---which most books have---is that it gets boring if every single scene is all about them. So you have to find ways to shake it up without breaking POV. Which this scene does very well. A climax moves as fast as possible. You have the build-up for rhythm—Father Tim confesses he’s, uh, not actually a Father—and then the one-two punch: Father Fitzgerald knew about the molest accusation the same day Father Patrick died? What the. . .Father Fitzgerald KILLED HIM?? Your reader’s on the ropes.

In this climax, the way it is now, Father Fitzgerald doesn’t actually capitulate at all. I love that he rips Tim’s collar off. “Take THAT, you low-down dirty dog of a priest-impersonator!” Father Fitzgerald is no doormat, that’s for sure.

Twenty-to-thirty more words is not a real problem for a climax. I kept it to one page to force writers to focus. But, of course, since you won the developmental edit of your entire chapter, we can work on that whole scene to make it as sharp, scintillating, and powerful as humanly possible.

The thing about a single protagonist—which most books have—is that it gets boring if every single scene is all about them. So you have to find ways to shake it up without breaking POV. Which this scene does very well.

]]> By: Iapetus999 http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/comment-page-1/#comment-2807 Iapetus999 Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:37:27 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=4190#comment-2807 Father Tim is a federal agent??? Now the whole thing's spoiled! :( Great reveal. I wonder though, since this is Molly's POV, what her big "moment" is...I wonder if she gets involved in this scene... Kewl scene! Father Tim is a federal agent???
Now the whole thing’s spoiled! :(

Great reveal. I wonder though, since this is Molly’s POV, what her big “moment” is…I wonder if she gets involved in this scene…

Kewl scene!

]]> By: Jordan http://victoriamixon.com/2010/02/03/free-edit-2-jordan/comment-page-1/#comment-2806 Jordan Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:29:04 +0000 http://victoriamixon.com/?p=4190#comment-2806 Woohoo! Thank you so much, Victoria If we'd had 20 or 30 more words, I would have gotten one more twist in there—the late priest was falsely accused. I was wondering if you'd cut back the stage direction and internal thoughts (several of those are to keep Molly in the scene and avoid talking heads, of course, and the edits accomplish both those :D ). Interestingly, I had a couple readers tell me they felt Fitzgerald capitulates too quickly for the climax to feel fulfilling. Expanding it would draw out the back-and-forth between Father Tim and Father Fitzgerald before Fitzgerald's confession. Oddly enough, before I received that feedback I was trying really hard to make the scene go as fast as possible. What do you think? Woohoo! Thank you so much, Victoria

If we’d had 20 or 30 more words, I would have gotten one more twist in there—the late priest was falsely accused.

I was wondering if you’d cut back the stage direction and internal thoughts (several of those are to keep Molly in the scene and avoid talking heads, of course, and the edits accomplish both those :D ).

Interestingly, I had a couple readers tell me they felt Fitzgerald capitulates too quickly for the climax to feel fulfilling. Expanding it would draw out the back-and-forth between Father Tim and Father Fitzgerald before Fitzgerald’s confession. Oddly enough, before I received that feedback I was trying really hard to make the scene go as fast as possible.

What do you think?

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