From Jeff Betts:
A lot of people think garbage collectors are idiots. I’m not just saying this because it’s what I do for a living. There are documented studies, although frankly what kind of numbskull would pay for such a study? The logic goes, it’s smelly, you have to get up early, it’s demeaning—how stupid would you have to be to pick up other people’s trash?
Stupid like a fox is what I say. I’ve been a collector for fourteen years, this job pays the best of any I ever worked, and the people I work with are good people. I have a college degree, and my kids are going to have degrees because I can afford it. Taking out the trash works for me.
On the other hand, you find a whole lot of strange things in the trash. People think once it goes in the dumpster it’s gone for good.
Developmental Edit
You know what I love? A smart-mouth!
Snappy first line? check
Intriguing? check
Raises a question? check: What did this character find in the dumpster?
Drop-kicks us off the end? check: Whatever it is, it ain’t gone for good!
What does this paragraph tell us about the book we’re starting? This character is a blue-collar worker, matter-of-fact, educated, thinks things through, isn’t afraid to buck popular opinion even in choosing a career, and smarty-britches about confrontation. They’re also a parent thinking about their children’s future, so they’re responsible. And they’re curious—they found something in someone’s trash. Is this someone you feel like following through a whole story?
Hey, it works for me!
Genre? Mystery, I’m guessing, with a twist. Nice!
Do we need to know who the character is, how they got here, where they were before? They’ve been a garbage collector for fourteen years and have been around long enough to earn a college degree and have kids. That’s plenty o’ info.
Do we need to know what they’re going to find in the trash? Nope. That’s why we have to turn the page!
Does this paragraph drop us into a specific moment in this character’s story? Just about—it gives us an intriguing lead-in to the moment of finding something significant in an odd place. I’m hooked by the character, not the moment, although I fully expect to get a bang for my buck in about two seconds. If I don’t, the whole thing falls apart because it’s drawn out to the limit as it is. Either this writer is just about to over-do it, or he’s got one fine-tuned sense of drama!
So let’s talk about the structure of it. Is this a highly-charged moment? Not yet. Does it work to be a bit talkative? Yes—because it’s introducing us to a likable character. If following this character is the whole point, we’re already on our way. What does it tell us about this entire story? It’s character-driven.
Copy & Line Edit
I’d probably make one line edit, and that’s putting a colon instead of a comma after, “The logic goes.” Other than that, this baby makes big, exciting promises in a powerful voice. That’s a hook!
A lot of people think garbage collectors are idiots. I’m not just saying this because it’s what I do for a living. There are documented studies, although frankly what kind of numbskull would pay for such a study? The logic goes: it’s smelly, you have to get up early, it’s demeaning—how stupid would you have to be to pick up other people’s trash?
Stupid like a fox is what I say. I’ve been a collector for fourteen years, this job pays the best of any I ever worked, and the people I work with are good people. I have a college degree, and my kids are going to have degrees because I can afford it. Taking out the trash works for me.
On the other hand, you find a whole lot of strange things in the trash. People think once it goes in the dumpster it’s gone for good.