15 Things Your Characters Should Never Do

  1. He lifted his leg and fired.
  2. With a whoop and a cry, she shot it out the back.
  3. They bent to examine their special organs.
  4. He couldn’t believe he was alive—he touched himself with gratitude.
  5. She knew he’d never get at the secret she was sitting on.
  6. If he couldn’t grab them with both hands, what were they worth to him?
  7. She fingered her favorite bits.
  8. He snatched up his balls and ran with them.
  9. They still didn’t understand why they were stuck together.
  10. He always got belligerent about its size.
  11. When she let go of him, her hand was sticky.
  12. They pressed their parts close.
  13. He waved his pole frantically over his head.
  14. With a tender sigh, she shut the box he loved forever.
  15. He stood under her balcony until dawn, quietly whacking it.

14 thoughts on “15 Things Your Characters Should Never Do

  1. Kathryn says:

    I think some of these things are impossible. 🙂

  2. Glynis Smy says:

    I am laughing so loudly, DH has come over for a read.
    Great list!

  3. WritersBlockNZ says:

    I started laughing out loud at work and now everyone thinks I’m strange (okay, stranger).

  4. I’m laughing so hard I can barely see to tweet!

  5. e.lee says:

    some of these things defy basic human physiology

  6. Drew Lakin says:

    Fantastic, I read it loud in the office and everyone’s in tears. Off to investigate my special organs.

  7. Victoria says:

    I can’t tell you how touched and humbled I am that you people are disrupting work for this. My hat is off to you all! Particularly if you’ve managed to interfere with your own typing over it.

  8. Marisa Birns says:

    LAUGHING! They are all so hilarious.

    I think that the guy in #15 will need ice bags.

  9. Sam says:

    LMAO!!! Sorry, can’t type anything more coherent than that…still laughing too hard…

  10. Diandra says:

    Are these quotes from real writing?

    *rofl*

  11. Victoria says:

    No, Diandra. These are lines I make up off the top of my head to make my husband laugh. That’s why you’ve never seen them circulating before now. It’s a pre-emptive strike.

  12. Oh my god, #15 was priceless. *wipes eyes*

  13. Vaneessa says:

    I laughed till I cried! I had to stop eating and let myself laugh for almost 10 minutes (no exaggeration) before I could resume my meal.

  14. Vaneesa says:

    Oh my God! I just realised that I was laughing so hard that I misspelled my own name!

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