Literary Mash-Up Extravaganza, Day #1

I can’t stop thinking up those litticisms.
–my husband

Due to the staggering quality and variety of the submissions received for the Literary Mash-Up Extravaganza, we co-hosts have thrown caution (and judging) to the winds and will post all of the submissions, ten at a time in no particular order, daily until we run out of either submissions or stamina.

Our heartfelt thanks to everyone participating! This has been an absolutely hilarious week.

To Kill A Jonathon Livingston Seagull
Scout runs amok at Esalon.
Jack Shakely

Finnegan’s 451
Reader’s Digest condenses James Joyce’s seminal work.
Gary Presley

A Confederacy Of Jane Eyres
A local genius is thwarted by well-meaning governesses who won’t leave his attic alone.
Stacy Korn-Luebke

A Long Day’s Journey into a Hard Day’s Night
A dysfunctional family becomes a famous pop group.
Michael Wright

The Unbearable Lightness of Being The Idiot
Cheating on his wife, his Czech mistress, and the fianceé of a good friend causes a gullible Russian prince to drive his car into a tree. Hence, the nickname.
Sue Z. Smith

The Old Mice and Men and the Sea
Santiago, Lenny and George, determined to raise a stake so they can “Live on the fatta the lan,’” head out in the skiff to la mar in search of the great marlin. Even though they’re a crew of misfit bindle stiffs, they wage an epic battle—men against fish—and win. Tragically, Lenny pets the marlin too hard and it dies. George, in an act of mercy, cracks Lenny over the head with an oar and puts the poor bastard out of his misery. George and Santiago agree that Santiago will tend the rabbits instead.
Heather Ophir

The Mists of Frankie Avalon
Don’t stand downwind of him after the cocktail party.
Sheldon

The King James and the Giant Peach Bible
The new testament just got juicier.
Bumbleboo

The Da Vinci Code of the Samurai
A math savant discovers that the lineage of Jesus actually leads to the the rise of Japanese feudal lords in the Middle Ages. The film version is a buddy movie starring Tom Hanks and Ken Watanabe, with Jackie Chan portraying the entire Chinese army from the Yuan Dynasty.
Elwood P. Gray